The Greatest Parody Ever
by beeabeeon49
Summary: ...Or so says me. A parody of LWW, in which the author is obsessed with caps lock, Edmund is missing a hand and Lucy is just plain awesome. The world is not ready.
1. Chapter 1

**Yay for starting impossible tasks I can never finish!**

**This is a parody of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe film, and I will try and get it finished. As you can probably see, it's written in script format, so if this bothers you then I suggest you go back to the land of normal fanfiction.**

**I may swear a bit, so if this bothers you please do the same.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia. Or anything else I make references to. I won't mention them all here, or I'll ruin the surprise.**

**Me:** *presses play button*

**Film:** *starts in the middle because of my short attention span and that's how far I got last time*

**Me:** …That's probably what's going to happen with this parody. BUT WHO CARES? Let's get rolling…

_Okay, to the beginning…_

**Blackness:** Hi, I'm here.

**Walt Disney and Walden Media logos: **Hi, we're here.

**Walden Media logo:** But I am awesomer. I have BACKGROUND MUSIC AND SOUND EFFECTS AND STUFF.

**Walt Disney logo:** …That's nice for you.

**Walden Media logo:** BOW TO ME.

**Walt Disney logo: **IN YOUR DREAMS.

**Walden Media logo:** Why, you insolent, little…

**Me:** Professor! Um, look, let's just get started with the movie or we'll never get anywhere. You really aren't important enough to have a whole chapter to yourself.

**Walt Disney and Walden Media logos: **WE ARE HURT.

**Me:** I DON'T CARE. So, without further ado, here comes – THE AWESOMEST PARODY EVER!

**Walt Disney and Walden Media logos: **Hasn't it already started?

**Me:** SHUT UP!

**OMINOUS MUSIC:** *starts*

**Clouds:** This is the normal Harry Potter beginning. IN NARNIA.

**Me: **Yeah… I'll be referencing Harry Potter a lot. Because I'm a Potterhead at heart.

**Bomber Planes:** HI. JUST HERE TO LIGHTEN THE ATMOSPHERE AND TO MAKE THE AUDIENCE CALM. VERY CALM.

**Everyone in the history of mankind:** …Da hell's going on?

**Me:** Hee hee, trying not to swear. I SHALL FAIL MISERABLY.

**German pilot:** *exists*

**Another German pilot:** *also exists*

**Bombs:** Mwahaha, die. DIE, I TELL YOU!

**Edmund:** I am the first main character to be seen in this movie. TAKE THAT, PETER! *Does random happy dance*

**Mrs Pevensie:** EDMUND! Do not happy dance, it is damaging our health and rotting away our innocence! *Pulls him away and draws the curtains so no-one can see Edmund's horrible dancing* PETER! Restrain your brother!

**Peter:** HAIIIII. Now the two male main characters have been seen. WHAT ABOUT THE GIRLS? Couldn't it have at least been boy, girl, boy, girl? WHY AREN'T I SUSAN?

**Me:** Not that I'm a feminist or anything…

**Mrs Pevensie… Damn it, I can't be bothered to write that every time. Let's just call her Bob: **That's nice, dear. NOW GO TO THE SHELTER SO YOU DO NOT DIE A MOST PAINFUL DEATH AND EAT ALL THE STRAWBERRY NOODLES.

**Peter: **…Are you okay, Mum?

**Bob:** I'M FINE. I DO NOT HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS. I AM SANE. I AM NORMAL. I AM SATAN. NOW GET TO THE SHELTER, BITCH!

**Me:** Well, so much for not swearing.

**Peter:** *Pulls Edmund away, not noticing Edmund's hand has fallen off*

**Edmund:** My hand! LET ME GO!

**Peter:** *Ignores him* COME ON!

**Me:** I LOVE CAPS LOCK!

_Now, to the girls._

**Lucy:** The author loves me so I'll be getting off easily a lot. YAY-FACE.

**Me:** THAT'S RIGHT. I STOLE THAT OFF IHEARTMWPP, BITCHES. I REGRET NOTHING.

**Susan:** *Rushes in* Where's Lucy? I know, she must be in these books! *Rummages through them*

**Lucy:** I'm behind you, you silly, silly person.

**Susan:** Lucy, COME ON! *Grabs hand and pulls her out of bed forcefully* WE'RE GOING TO MISS THE SIMPSONS! AND WE MIGHT GET KILLED!

**Lucy: **YOU WERE THE ONE LOOKING FOR ME IN SOME BOOKS!

**Satan… Susan, sorry:** WHY IS THE AUTHOR OBSESSED WITH CAPS LOCK?

**Lucy:** I DON'T KNOW!

**Susan:** LET'S GO!

**Lucy:** OKAY!

**Me:** As a side note, that wallpaper is disgusting.

_And then the world exploded. Just kidding, we just changed scene._

**Children:** *RUNNING AND MAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE SOUNDS OF GENERAL SCAREDNESS* WE'RE RUNNING AND MAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE SOUNDS OF GENERAL SCAREDNESS!

**Edmund:** Wait! MY HAND!

**Me:** I was actually really confused about him saying 'wait, dad' the first time I watched the movie. I thought they'd actually left their father inside the house, and he was disabled or something, and then he was going to die and everyone would be very sad and the story would change drastically. YAY FANFICTION IDEA EVERYONE GO AWAY AND WRITE IT IT WOULD BE AWESOME OKAY GOT THE POINT ALRIGHT LET'S GET ON WITH THE STORY.

**Edmund:** I DON'T CARE! I NEED MY HAND!

**Peter and Bob:** No you don't!

**Edmund:** You don't understand me! You never did! You always just sat back and watched me play by myself, not caring that I was lonely and had no friends… Then you pulled my hand off and I'll never be able to live my life the same way again…

**Peter:** Ed… I didn't know you felt that way…

**Edmund:** At least let me get the hand so I can mourn for the great and mighty person I could have been! At least allow me this luxury! *Runs back towards house*

**Peter:** Edmund! Wait! I LOVE YOU!

**Edmund:** You don't understand me! YOU NEVER DID!

**Peter:** EDMUND! Please – just trust me, just this once.

**Edmund:** *sniffs* Are you sure?

**Peter:** Of course I'm sure. You're my brother, and I wouldn't want anything to hurt you.

**Susan:** *spontaneously combusts*

**Everyone:** WHAT THE FUCK?

**Susan: ***shrugs* Just trying to diffuse the tension.

**Peter:** *shakes himself, starts doing the Macarena, stops, then shakes himself again* Right. Where were we?

**Me:** *shrugs* I don't know. Let's just say you're in the air raid shelter because I'm lazy. So let's keep going from after your …touching moment…

**Edmund:** *glaring at Peter* I hate you.

**Peter:** *glaring at Edmund* I hate you.

**Edmund:** *glaring at Peter* I hate you.

**Peter:** *glaring at Edmund* I hate you.

**Edmund: ***glaring at Peter* I hate you.

**Peter: ***glaring at Edmund* I hate you.

**Edmund:** *glaring at Peter* I hate you.

**Peter:** *glaring at Edmund* I hate you.

**Edmund:** *glaring at Peter* I hate you.

**Peter:** *glaring at Edmund* I hate you.

**Edmund:** *glaring at Peter* I hate you.

**Peter:** *glaring at Edmund* I hate you.

**Edmund:** *glaring at Peter* I hate you.

**Peter:** *glaring at Edmund* I hate you.

**Me:** ANYWAY! Let's keep going.

**Susan, Lucy and Bob:** LET'S!

**Me:** By the way, this music is awesome. Just saying.

**DOOR!:** Closes… OMINOUSLY.

**Riku:** Hi, I exist. But not in this franchise.

_THAT'S RIGHT. KINGDOM HEARTS, BITCHES._

**I am a major fan of Harry Potter, Narnia and Kingdom Hearts. I SHALL MAKE REFERENCES.**

**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is a parody of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe film, and I will try and get it finished. As you can probably see, it's written in script format, so if this bothers you then I suggest you go back to the land of normal fanfiction.**

**I may swear a bit, so if this bothers you please do the same.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia. Or anything else I make references to. I won't mention them all here, or I'll ruin the surprise.**

**Thank you to everyone for the awesome reviews and stuff!**

**People:** Hi, we're people. THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO SAY LOLZ.

**Bob:** *whacks all her children on the head* BYE BITCHES! GO! DO NOT DISOBEY SATAN!

**Children:** *understandably run away*

**Peter:** Lucy. Lucy. Lucy. LUCY JUST MOVE.

**Edmund:** SUSAN, GET OFF ME! I DON'T NEED TO BE MANHANDLED.

**Susan:** …Where the fuck am I going?

**The other three:** WE DON'T KNOW.

**Peter:** Hey look, it's a person. For some reason this makes me feel emotional.

**Me: **I think he's actually sad because he watched Axel's death in KH2 before he left the house.

**Ticket-inspector-person-thing: **Tickets? Tickets?

**Children: **No thank you.

**Ticket-inspector-person-thing:** What?

**Children:** We don't want any tickets, thank you.

**Ticket-inspector-person-thing:** I'm not SELLING tickets. I'm COLLECTING them.

**Children:** …Can we just get on the train?

**Ticket-inspector-person-thing:** GIVE ME YOUR TICKETS, GODDAMN IT! WHY DID I EVEN GET THIS JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE?

**Susan:** *rips Peter's hand off and gives it to the ticket-inspector-person-thing*

**Peter:** MY HAND!

**Edmund:** NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!

**Peter's hand:** *grows back*

**Edmund:** How the fuck did you manage that?

**Peter:** BECAUSE I AM SEXIER THAN YOU, BITCH!

**Edmund:** B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b

**Peter:** GET ON WITH IT!

**Edmund:** But the author prefers ME!

**Me:** Because you're cute. Peter's SEXY. *thinks* Not as sexy as Caspian, though.

**Peter:** WHO IS CASPIAN? HOW DARE HE BE SEXIER THAN ME?

_Let's just say they're sitting in the train compartment now, because I am lazy and crying and/or sad people have no place in this parody._

**Awesome Music… See, It's So Awesome It's Got Capitals:** *plays* Now everything shall be quiet and peaceful and serene and tranquil and unruffled and composed and calm and relaxing and soothing and –

**Lucy:** NO YOU DIDN'T, BITCH! I HAVE STUFF TO SAY!

**The other-not-quite-so-awesome-Pevensies:** Not again…

**Lucy:** So you know how people say that meditating is supposed to be quiet and peaceful and serene and tranquil and unruffled and composed and calm and relaxing and soothing, blah blah blah? Well, if people do the really stupid stereotypical "OMMMMMMMMMM!" sound, it really annoys everyone in the same room. So actually it's not calming. IT IS, IN FACT, AN UN-CALMER.

**The other-not-quite-so-awesome-Pevensies:** Lucy…

**Lucy:** And have you noticed that in every AkuRoku Kingdom Hearts fanfic, if Sora and Riku are in it, they will nearly always be together? EVEN IF IT'S JUST A MENTION, IT'S ALWAYS THERE. I'm not complaining, because SoRiku is my OTP, but it's funny to play 'spot the SoRiku' in every AkuRoku fic you read. YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME.

**The other-not-quite-so-awesome-Pevensies:** That probably made no sense to people who have no clue what Kingdom Hearts is, Lucy.

**Lucy:** And I have also come to the conclusion that Sirius Black and Riku are VERY SIMILAR, only not really. Because: their best friends have spiky/out-of-control hair, their best friends are (in canon, because if I had my way Kairi wouldn't exist) in love with/have a crush on/are dating someone with red hair, and they both fly around on something AT SOME POINT. Remember Riku having that weird-ass flying thing in KH2 for a bit? AND THEY'RE BOTH AWESOME AND MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS. So they're very similar when Sirius is in an ANGSTY MOOD.

**The other-not-quite-so-awesome-Pevensies:** …Does this ranting have a point?

**Lucy:** IT'S NOT RANTING! I AM ONLY POINTING OUT THINGS THAT EVERYONE IN THE HISTORY OF EVER NEEDS TO KNOW!

**The other-not-quite-so-awesome-Pevensies:** And everyone reading this will know what Kingdom Hearts is?

**Lucy:** HOW IN THE NAME OF FLYING FUCK MUFFINS HAVE YOU BEEN SPEAKING IN UNISON THE ENTIRE TIME?

**The other-not-quite-so-awesome-Pevensies:** WE DON'T KNOW. By the way, is there any particular reason why YOU are the author's spokesperson?

**Lucy:** BECAUSE I AM AWESOME. AND WE SHARE THE SAME NAME.

**Everyone-in-the-history-of-mankind-ever:** *le gasp*

**Me:** That's right. I JUST GAVE OUT MY TRUE IDENTITY. I'M A LUCY WHO LIVES IN ENGLAND. YOU'RE GOING TO FIND ME AND KILL ME! HELP, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

**Everyone-in-the-history-of-mankind-ever:** *le gasp*

**Susan:** Bitch, please! I AM SATAN!

**Peter: **No, that's Bob.

**Me:** I'm currently beta-reading a Minecraft story for my friendly-friend in my real life, Pollonium. GO CHECK HER STORIES OUT.

_THAT ALL HAPPENED ON THE TRAIN. NOW WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION. JUST LIKE THAT. NO, THAT IS NORMAL. COMPLETELY NORMAL, BITCHES!_

**Backs!:** HAIIIIIII.

**Children:** WE JUST MAGICALLY APPEARED STANDING LIKE THIS.

**Car!:** HAIIIIIII.

**Children:** *run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run down some stairs*

**Me:** I LOVE THE SOUND THEIR SHOES MAKE ON THE STAIRS.

**Car!: **BYE, SUCKERS!

**Susan: **WHERE THE FUCK IS PROFESSOR DIGORY KIRKE, AKA HORACE SLUGHORN? WE NEEDS HIM!

**Edmund:** Well, my label says, 'ANYWHERE BUT ENGLAND. HELL WOULD BE BEST!'

**The other three:** *check theirs* Oh my god ours do too let's go die in a hole somewhere.

**Bob:** *appears* JOIN ME IN HELL, BITCHES! *disappears*

**Cart and Mrs Macready:** *appear… OUT OF NOWHERE!*

**Peter:** AH, WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS PULLING THE CARRIAGE?

**The other three:** …What?

**Peter:** THOSE HORSEY THINGS!

**Mrs Macready:** *smiles serenely* You're not going mad… I can see them too.

**Me:** I REGRET NOTHING.

**Peter:** What are they?

**Mrs Macready:** They're Thestrals. They can only be seen by people who've seen death.

**Edmund:** *raises an eyebrow* YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE DIE, YOU WEIRD PERSON.

**Peter: **I SAW THAT WEIRD MAN THAT MUM SACRIFICED FOR HER SATANIC RITUALS WHEN I CAME IN TO OFFER HER A CUP OF TEA.

**Mrs Macready:** …Should I call Social Services?

**Susan:** THEY DON'T EXIST!

**Mrs Macready:** WELL GET IN THE CART THEN, BITCHES!

**Review, or I'll set Bob on you!**


End file.
